​​​​KRISTINE DANBACK PH.D ​

Random Thoughts Psychotherapy P.C.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

You do not beat a narcissist by trying to make them see that they are disordered. You do not overcome their abuse by loving them more and giving them time and devotion. YOU BEAT THEM BY BOWING OUT! You stop participating in their poisonous game of manipulation and deception. They will continue to engage you despite them moving on to a new interest....go grey rock, block the contact, do not rely on them.....choose peace. 


SUPPORT : 


DIVORCING A NARCISSIST, forward by Dr. Kristine Danback 


WHO DO NARCISSISTS TARGET?

Narcissists target individuals who are empathic, and who are sensitive individuals. Victims often feel insane because of how intense, and powerful their knowing is. Empaths are the biggest knowers if someone has dangerous intentions. They will be accused of being dramatic, but empaths can feel what others cannot. They will feel guilty about thinking someone is corrupt and will go against their intuition, hence staying in the abusive relationship too long. Eventually, when the empath has a large event occur such as infidelity, stealing of marital assets/money, or physical abuse that cannot be ignored, they realize they are a human lie detector and intention knower, and they feel shocked that the person they thought they once loved...is not the person they pretended to be. Rather, they wore a mask and changed their behaviors to act like someone the empath would be lucky to love and share a life with. It can take years to intellectually and emotionally "know" that the narcissist is not the person they thought he was, and become overwhelmed with fear and sometimes suffer an emotional collapse because of the shock. 

Do you want to educate your family court professionals? Click on the following link to send a packet to the family judge of your choice anonymously:


I provide divorce coaching specifically with an individual who suspect their spouse has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

Sometimes that "crazy" person who seems to be trashing their ex is really the victim telling the truth about a dangerous emotional abuser..... 

GETTING DISCARDED BY A NARCISSIST :

Before a narcissist discards you, they line up their next victim. They will continue confusing you and string you along while setting up two illusions: make you think it's your fault and show the new victim how desired they are. They anticipate that when they fully abandon you, you will start calling, stalking and freaking out, so they can show the new victim how unstable you are.  They have also anticipated that you will contact the new victim and have thwarted your plan for this too. It is all a set up to abuse you further. 

ONE MOMS BATTLE offers support to increase awareness of narcissistic personality disorder and its impact upon shared parenting in the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators, therapists and attorneys. Click link below: 

​​​NARCISSISM is a Cluster B personality disorder. ​What makes narcissistic abuse so dangerous is that these individuals employ very covert methods to abuse their partners. A narcissist's weapon of choice is often verbal--slander, lies, playing the victim in dishonest tales of gossip, rage, verbal/financial abuse and intentional infliction of emotional pain. It is a systematic dismantling of another person's relationships, reputation, emotional, physical and spiritual health, life and very soul.  ​In the aftermath, after you free yourself from the psychopathic bond, you are left traumatized. You are numb, confused, left in a fog, and you are battling very intense pain........                          

You are not a victim for sharing your story....... 

​NARCISSISTIC ABUSE AND DIVORCE COACHING

His disapproving perspective shedding doubt upon who I am, how I build my environment or future, is intolerable. His ambient abuse has led me to doubt the predictability of my present and future. He grooms to incapacitate me from functioning independently. I fight against the erosion of my true self, as he requires me to regulate his sense of self worth. 
As he returns to see his laptop smashed, I believe it to be the dormant independent, empathetic, energetic, idealistic, willful, maternal woman who destroyed it. Now terrified, yet exhilarated,  I quickly lock all of the doors and run to a distant window where I vigilantly witness his reaction. Astonished, I watch him amble over to the rubble, wandering around the aftermath as if a storm desecrated his worldly possessions.….and without hesitation, he begins sweeping up the slaughter.  At that moment, I realize it is all beyond repair, and I awaken to the reality it was his operating system, or mine. My marriage never had any specific acts of violence, rather subtle maltreatment that went unnoticed, which caused a disagreeable foreboding, manipulation, and control. Today my instincts awakened;  protecting my motherboard and power supply, and today, my retribution is closure. 

The real victim will search for help because they cannot stand the pain and suffering that is happening to them or their children. The narcissist playing the role of the victim will seek pity with tales of the abuse they have endured. Their life seems to be fine; there is no pain no abuse to overcome. Their only problem is they lost a partner who invested a tremendous amount of energy  building a life with them..... 

DR. KRISTINE DANBACK
NEW YORK TRI STATE AREA 
NYS Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Email: randomthoughtspsy@gmail.com
(203) 313-0032

Sam Vaknin has a prolific online presence, writing and speaking on narcissism and psychopathy. He is the author of Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited and offers youtube videos that give clear explanations of the narcissists behavior. He developed Cold Therapy as a means of treatment for the narcissist.  Click link below: 

Courtroom Insights: Narcissistic Personality Disorder Affects Parenting and Child Development by Dr. Kristine Danback 

A SURVIVOR'S STORY: 
......my appetite for retribution is uncontrollable as I am consumed with memories of his abuse. The pain and detestation I feel toward him, causes me to be unmindful of consequences, and I am distracted with my impulse to hurt him. 
Where is his laptop?” I question myself. 
Breathing heavily, hands shaking, yet feeling stronger than I have in months, my pregnant body grabs the computer from the kitchen and I race outside. Lifting it over my head as if it weighed 100lbs, I bash it onto the driveway. Squatting down I pick up the keyboard that tore away from the monitor and smack it repeatedly against the blacktop. Numbers and letters scatter, and microchips catch the sunlight. 

My arms and legs are in control as if I am hidden deep inside my body. The woman that was reduced from years of mental anguish climbs out from where she is hiding and peers out from her eye sockets like a child on surveillance, peering between spindles on a staircase, where she fears Santa would catch her, yet anticipating the magnificent gift that is to come. The independent, resilient woman within destroys his work laptop. A revolution against his underhanded grooming of financial dependence, spying, and sexual deviance. I see pieces of my self-worth that he shook falling to the ground. Plummeting screws and springs squeal and shriek in exhilaration, reassurance of my awareness is finally bestowed.  

I provide divorce coaching specifically with an individual who suspect their spouse has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.